A Life Fabricated

While contemplating what I was going to write for my column, I bounced back and forth between various topics.  After some thought and reflection, I realized that I haven’t really focused on my coming out story.
I was a sensitive, caring young child but deep down I was frustrated about something hidden inside myself.  I could not put my fingers on it, but I knew I was different than my brothers and the other kids I was growing up with. I was angry with myself for being so and starting burying these feelings I had at a very young age.
As life progressed, I became very concerned I was growing up “strange” not having the normal pubescent awakening about what girls were about.  I realized there was something much different about me.
In college I really started to question my sexuality and fabricate a second life to hide what was truly within me.  When one is in the closet they have a tendency to be the direct opposite of what they are.  I started to act and talk like a little young conservative which created more confusion and anger within myself because I knew what I was saying outwardly was not what I believed inside.
I also said some very hurtful things to LGBT people that I wish I could take back.  If you are one of those people reading this, I sincerely do apologize and for those that cannot read this column I am hopeful the universe relays my message of remorse to you in some form or fashion.  If you are in the closet doing what I did, please stop and think about what you are saying and how it impacts those you are saying it to.
I cannot count the numerous moments of self-loathing that I experienced.  However, those moments would pass.  I would just make myself believe in things that I really did not believe until reality and myth became so intertwined that I could not tell the difference between the two any longer.
For those of you still living lives of quiet desperation, I am here to give you the support and courage you need to be yourselves and to tell you that there is hope for you.  Never give up your dream of being able to be who you really are because you can be everything you want to be, as an openly LGBTQ individual.

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