By Chad Czelusniak
© 2012 Chad Czelusniak and Diversity Rules Magazine. All rights reserved.
Chad Czelusniak was born in Upstate NY and lives near Albany. Chad lives with his partner Tim. Chad and Tim have two dogs Mischa and Aiden. On Chad’s free time he enjoys working on his beautiful yard, reading, crocheting, and writing.
The wedding plans continue. For Valentine’s Day my partner and I had a wonderful meal at the location. We were very pleased with the taste of the food, presentation and service. We could not be happier with the way things are going. The guest list is being narrowed down to about 50 of our closest friends and some family that are supportive. Ideas are being discussed about how to organize the actual ceremony. I mentioned that I would like one of my best friends, we will call him Brad, to be my best man. My partner really does not want a best man but is willing to go along with it because I want one. So now it is time to ask Brad.
So one day in January I head over to Brad’s house with some Nut Brown Ale, my favorite beer. Brad and I are hanging out and we start to discuss the upcoming wedding. Brad’s wife and two sons are in the house hanging out as well. I ask Brad if he would be my best man. The first thing he said was F#&K NO. His wife and I laughed. If you knew Brad you would know that in general he is a grumpy old man type, though he is only forty. He asked why do I want him to be his best man. I told him that first I want to make sure he and his family are at the wedding but for him to be there to stop me from crying. His response was “Oh shut the F up!” I said no really I know that if I start to get emotional, not guaranteed but I might, he is the only one that could tell me to knock it off that I would not flip out on him. By the end of the time we hung out Brad agreed to be my best man.
For a bit over two weeks plans were being made around me having a best man and my partner deciding on who he would like. I was telling all of my friends and family. Everyone thought it was such a cool idea and thought it was going to be a lot of fun. One day I get an email from Brad. He is up in Lake Placid for work and is going to be there for a few days. We bantered about places to go see and places to eat. It was about 6:30 pm and time to walk the dogs. So I said see ya and left. When I got back there were two more emails. The first listed on the cue was asking if I had anything to say. This confused me. Then I noticed another from Brad. It said that he has thought a lot about this, and lost a lot of sleep over it, but he can not be my best man. My first reaction was to scream. I was shocked. My response was to tell him that I deserve a reason. Any reason would be fine and I could accept it, but without one I will end up resenting him and the friendship could not continue.
Another two weeks go by and nothing from Brad. Finally he shows up to my job, where we used to work together. He sits at my desk as if nothing was wrong, life was good and so were we. Many co-workers came up and chit chatted and laughed. So Brad and I did not have very much time together. I started to walk him out and had just enough time to ask him if he still wanted to go to the wedding. He said “Of course we want to go to the wedding.” Then more people showed up and that was the end of the conversation. A day later I sent him an email stating that I really need an explanation or this friendship will be over. The next day his wife sends an email stating that he thought everything was fine cause he stopped at the store. Brad does not want anything to do with the drama and agrees to not be friends.
Without giving an explanation the only conclusion I can come up with is that it must be about standing up for a gay man. Brad mentioned, on a few occasions, that he would not introduce me to his father because he “knows what he would say, you know in regards to you being gay.”
The wedding planning continues. My partner and I have decided to forgo the traditional wedding ceremony and design our own unique style that fits out lifestyle. There will be no best man or women. My best best friend will be there – standing next to me and for the rest of my life.