Planning a wedding is stressful enough without having to navigate the additional challenges that come with being part of the LGBTQ+ community. From finding inclusive vendors to dealing with family dynamics, queer couples face unique hurdles that straight couples never have to consider. But you and your partner deserve to celebrate your love in style, and we’re here to help you with that. That’s why we’ve put together this quick guide to wedding planning for queer couples. With these tips, you can plan the wedding of your dreams while staying true to who you and your partner are.
Finding Your Wedding Squad (aka Vendors Who Get It)
The vendor search can feel like dating all over again, except this time you’re looking for someone who won’t make you feel like you need to explain your relationship. Start by researching vendors that explicitly advertise as LGBTQ+ friendly or have worked with queer couples before.
However, you don’t have to limit your search to explicit allies. Nowadays and depending on where you live, you’re likely to find supportive businesses in many corners of the industry. All you have to do is ask. For instance, as you ask questions when wedding dress shopping, inquire about the boutique’s history with LGBTQ+ weddings and supply of unique designs that don’t align with traditionally heterosexual norms. That could mean having colorful wedding dresses or gowns with unconventional textures and silhouettes.
Above all, trust your gut. If something feels off as you chat with vendors and shops, it probably is.
Navigating Family Dynamics
Many queer couples face complicated family dynamics. If both of your families are supportive, that’s wonderful! But if they’re not, then figuring out how to safely navigate the tension is an important part of wedding planning.
Consider having honest conversations with family members before the planning gets too intense. Set clear boundaries about what behavior you will and won’t tolerate on your wedding day. If anyone isn’t willing to put aside their negativity to support you during this chapter, you can exclude them from the celebration. This day is about you, your partner, and your love. You get to decide who’s invited and how involved they are in the planning process.
Legal Considerations That Matter
While same-sex marriage is still legal nationwide on a federal level, some states retain quirky regulations or less-than-welcoming attitudes. Research your chosen venue’s location and anything that might affect your ceremony.
If you’re planning a destination wedding, double-check the marriage laws in that location. Some countries still don’t recognize same-sex marriages.
Making Your Ceremony Authentically Yours
Traditional wedding scripts assume heterosexual couples. Though the Christian structure of a wedding (i.e., walking down the aisle, exchanging vows, following up with a reception) can be inclusive, you might want to get creative with your ceremony structure.
Most queer couples do this in their vows. You can work with your officiant to craft vows and readings that reflect your relationship authentically. You might also consider which traditions feel right for your relationship and which ones you want to skip entirely. Maybe you both want to walk down the aisle together, or perhaps you’d rather have a handfasting ceremony instead of exchanging rings. Ultimately, your wedding should reflect your unique love story, so don’t feel locked into heterosexual, Christian norms as you plan.
Your Big Day, Your Way
Planning a wedding as a queer couple requires extra consideration, but it’s a beautiful opportunity to express and display your love to the world. Focus on what matters most to you and your partner, surround yourselves with supportive people, and don’t let anyone else’s opinions overshadow your joy. The most important part of your wedding day is celebrating your love and commitment to each other. Everything else is just beautiful decoration around that central truth.