Peter Minkoff is a lifestyle writer at Queer Voices magazine, living between Australia and Europe. Besides writing, he also worked as a freelance fashion stylist for many magazines. A true craft beer and soy latte aficionado, he loves spending his days at the beach and visiting second-hand stores on a daily basis. Follow Peter on Twitter for more tips.
Perhaps you have had the chance to hear the term “sex positivity” but you’re still unclear on what it actually means. According to The Authentic Gay, the sex-positive social movement strives to promote open and informed attitudes toward sexual practices between consenting adults. Education, advocacy, and healthy and safe sex habits are of the utmost importance here. This means that no one should be ashamed of what sex means to them, as it should be a positive force in one’s life. This is even more important in 2020 when even sex workers find themselves at quite a risk because of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. But what does this mean to a gay man? What should a gay person know about sex positivity and how to engage in safe and healthy sexual conduct?
Be confident in your skills
First and foremost, be confident in what you want in sex. One of the biggest issues here is being indecisive if you want to top or bottom. This is even more important for the people who would like to change their usual position, yet they are afraid of not being able to bottom or top in the right way. Get yourself relaxed and try not to think about the technique. Let the body do everything for you and once you manage to do that, you will regain your confidence in bed. Listen to your partner and pay attention to what they want and need in bed. Bear in mind that topping or bottoming doesn’t have anything to do with dominance – both positions can be dominant, so this depends on your psychology. Do you want to dominate in bed or would you like to be dominated instead? Keep your head up and don’t be embarrassed.
Just like all trends are changing, so are those that we seldom speak of. Being kinkier in bed is only one of the popular trends nowadays but many have no idea what this means. Being kinky doesn’t mean stepping out of the box but rather engaging in sex positions that you find attractive and hot. If you have a certain fetish, go ahead and advocate it in bed – there’s nothing to be scared of. Using sex toys in bed is one way of shaking this fear off, so what you can do is find good Godfather sex toys online without conversing with any shop clerk and have them delivered to your house. This might seem like a lukewarm piece of advice but once you get comfortable using a toy you like, you’ll definitely find the courage to try out any other fetish that you and your partner want.
Do not conform to gender roles
One of the best ways to let yourself loose and not overthink anything is by not conforming to any gender roles the society imposes on you. This has been one of the most debated topics in the last couple of years – how do gender roles affect gay life? The gender line in the LGBTQ community has always been kind of blurry. But not living by any labels and rules and being free to do whatever you want is of the utmost importance. What is more, simply try not to care about gender at all, especially in the LGBTQ community. Not only will this make you a better, more tolerant, and educated person, it will also give you the opportunity to engage in any sexual activity that you want to.
Know your HIV status, engage in safe sex, don’t judge people without getting to know them, and be confident in what you can do during sex. That’s how you stay sex-positive – by pursuing your sexual needs while being perfectly safe at the same time. Then, it will be the perfect moment to unleash your inner beast and show the world, and yourself, of course, how much pleasure you can take.